My Body | BEDIM 17

3/19/2016


Growing up, I was bigger than everyone else. All my friends were tiny and thin. They wore bikinis in the summer showing off their flat stomachs, while I always wore a one piece that covered my big round stomach. It never bothered me that I was big. I never cared about what I looked like or what I did or anything. I was happy, always laughing and smiling, always trying to make people laugh, and being as happy as can be. I had great friends who didn't care about what I looked like at all, we were all happy.

The years went by, and I just got bigger and bigger each year. I didn't care, I didn't even notice. 

One day, a boy asked me a question. A question in which I was too stupid to understand. A question that started it all.
"Did you have a BigMac on Monday?"
Him and another boy laughed and laughed.
What kind of question is that? What's that supposed to mean? Why did he ask me that? What does it mean?

It wasn't until he kept asking me that same question, day after day. I understood what it meant. He was making fun of my size. He was making fun of me because I was bigger than everyone else. It lasted for 3 months until my mom found out and took care of it. It was over, the teasing and jokes. Finished.

Although it was over, I started to look at myself differently. When I looked in the mirror, I didn't see what I saw before. I saw a big, fat, disgusting, embarrassment with legs, arms, and short hair. I hated it. I wanted it to change. I wanted it gone.

My awful stomach threw pains at me everyday. I had cramps and burning. I didn't eat for the fear of the pain getting worse. It did nothing. I stayed the same weight, if not I got bigger. I didn't understand. If I'm not eating, why aren't I getting smaller? Why isn't my stomach going away? Why do I have these stomach pains? What is happening to me?

I went to the doctor, got medication, and started eating. I ate, but very little. I would skip breakfast, first snack, eat a quarter of my lunch, my last snack, a quarter of my dinner, and that was it. I still stayed the same, with my big round stomach. Nothing getting smaller and nothing getting bigger. I couldn't understand what was happening.

A year went by and my eating habits got a bit better. I was eating normally but just not a lot. I began to try and lose some weight, and I did. I lost about 20-30 pounds within 6 months I think. I was so happy. I lost my stomach! But not all of it. I still had a round stomach, it was just smaller than it was before. I was a bit more confident and was a bit happier than before. My doctor told me not to lose anymore weight, as it could affect my heart. So I didn't, I tried to maintain it.

It worked for a little bit, I still ate less. I was happier with my body and gained a lot of confidence. I think it was the first time in a whole year and a half I had ever felt like that.

Now, in present day. I fell apart. I gained 10 pounds and my stomach is becoming big and round again. I am afraid to wear certain things, they will show my big stomach. I go to the gym a lot, I try my best to eat healthy, I am trying everything. I am trying what I did before and it's not working. But that doesn't mean I am giving up. I will keep trying and trying, making any changes that I need to make, and working as hard as possible. For me. I am going to make myself happy again. I know I will.

Thank you so much for reading. Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

You Might Also Like

0 comments