No Shade, The Behemoth, Anxiety & High School


I feel like I haven't made a post like this in a while, and I felt like I would update you on some things. One of these things will be regarding my posting schedule. Before I never really had one because I had so much time and creativity that posts were just spilling out of me! Like, when I first started I had a huge crush on some idiot, so I wrote about him all the time. BIG MISTAKE BELLA! Now, nothing interesting is going on in my life. So, I go to my creative side to see if I could write about something that I think you guys would like. It's great and I have so many ideas, but I only have the ideas and nothing else to write about them. It's a little complicated but Im sure things will be more interesting with school starting in two weeks (AHHH). So, for my posting schedule, I will be putting up one post a week. So, every Wednesday there will be a new post on this blog! Maybe I'll surprise you with two a week sometimes but that will be very rare so I'm sorry, but don't get your hopes up! Now that that's out of the way, we can cover everything else.


To start off, there is a "challenge" going around in my friend group called "The No Shade Challenge". How it works, is that you and a small group of people create a group chat on Instagram. You post a photo saying you're doing the challenge and to tell people to like that photo if they want to get no shaded or something like that. What you people do in this group chat is basically talk about this person that likes it, but you don't say who they are. You can say whatever you want about this person. You can be rude or nice, and it doesn't matter because no one else knows who your talking about. You take a screenshot of the chat and post it, and people try and figure out who its about. Of course me, I accidentally liked one of these photos because an old friend of mine was doing it with some other people.

This is actually what they said about me. (of course I used SnapChat and coloured in the peoples names for privacy reasons)How do I know it's me? Well, I haven't seen this person in a few years, I recently got my braces off so I have pretty good teeth, and I am the literal only person who has ombré. To be honest, Im not really offended. I like my hair a lot and a lot of people think it looks great on me. I actually found it pretty funny because people have literally nothing better to do with their lives but roast people and post it on social media. What has the world come to.


Since I live in Canada, we have a fairly famous attraction called Canada's Wonderland which is located in Vaughn. I went recently for the first time in about 2 years. We went as a fairly big group. It was me, Gian, Grac, Ini, Kat, Chan, and Aust. So 7 of us basically. I am not really a rollercoaster person, well I wasn't really a rollercoaster person. I get a lot of anxiety when it comes to big rides. It just the feeling of being strapped down in a seat, going up a huge incline high the air and feeling trapped. You want to get off so badly but you know you can't. It kind of freaks me out and that is why I never went on rides whenever I went. This time when I went, I was kind of peer pressured in a way so I went on this ride called riptide and, although I got all wet and so did everyone else, my anxiety literally flew away. Like, I was fine for the rest of the day. I went on every single ride we went on. I was really proud of myself. There was this one ride that I was still terrified of going on. The Behemoth (look at the photo above and you'll see how I could be terrified of that). Surprisingly, I went on it... AND IT WAS GREAT. It was actually a lot of fun! My hair was a complete disaster, I was speechless and shaking afterwards but I actually loved it. We saw our photo after and it was hilarious. In the front seats there were Chan and Kat smiling and stuff, and then behind them were me and Gian. You look over at him and he's smiling having a great time and stuff, and then theres me and I look like I'm scared for my life and I'm about to die. I was dying. Other than that, I had a pretty great day and I hope we do something like that again soon before school starts.


So, it's that time of the year again. Schools about to start, BUT WAIT. Whats that?! IM GOING TO HIGH SCHOOL?! WITH PEOPLE I'VE NEVER MET BEFORE? Oh no. So, my anxiety has been at  a high ever since I got back from vacation, because I know whats coming. High School. I haven't been able to eat much, and I am constantly trying to get my mind off of it. When I went to Canada's Wonderland it really helped because I was with my friends just having a great time and just not thinking about it. But this always happens whenever I go back to school, last year it was really bad. I lost a lot of weight from not eating, but I ended up gaining it back anyways. I've lost a tiny bit of weight, but I have been trying to eat as much as my body will let me. I feel like it is going to get worse as school gets closer and then I will just be a wreck by the time I start. The anxiety I get most is about social situations. Like when someone comes up to me, I just freeze and don't know what to do. This actually happened at wonderland. Since I was the only one who forgot to buy a ticket, Gian came with me to buy mine. I was fine at the cash register and paying and everything. We got through security, everything was fine. 

Now, when you walk into the entrance there are people with cameras who ask you if you want a photo. So one of them came up to Gian and I and asked if we wanted a picture. I kid you not, My brain froze and when I tried to speak out and say something I couldn't. Like I tried to say no, but I just couldn't. Even if I did say it, the person wouldn't have heard me anyways. Gian said no thanks and we continued walking to our group of friends. That's what kind of made me realize that I really can't talk to people. When I can, I always have to repeat myself because Im too quiet. When Im out by myself going to the drugstore to buy make up or something, I try not to make eye contact with anyone and I try not to talk to people because I'm just too scared to. 

I can't imagine whats going to happen in high school. I only have a few friends who are in some of my classes but they're going to make different friends or they know people from other schools in that class and prefer to talk to them instead of me so I'll be left alone. That gives people the opportunity to come up and sit next to me or talk to me, and when they try I'll freeze and not know what to do. I always tell myself that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but these feelings are actually true. Considering the amount of time I spend being alone, I am terrified when it comes to hanging out with other people. In high school, its going to be a struggle, but I am going to have to try and get through it. My anxiety is a little bad now, but I'm sure its only going to get worse. I'll probably do what I did last year and write a post at like 4 in the morning and tell you about my anxiety and how scared I am. Weirdly thats the only thing that made me feel a bit better so I'm probably going to do that.

Well, thats all for today. In that last bit some of the feelings just poured out. But thats fine, I needed that. Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

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