Relationships?! | My Fear

10/19/2016


I'm at a point in my life right now where I may be close to being in a relationship. I love relationships, I think couples are cute and it would be great to be with someone who is as crazy as I am. I also think that almost everyone gets into some relationship within their first year of high school.  I still really haven't processed the fact that I might start dating someone that I really like, or that they feel the same way. I actually have a little fear of it. This person is a really good friend of mine that I recently met and I like him a lot. I'm just afraid that if this doesn't end up working out, our friendship will be ruined. I spoke about this with a couple of my friends and they have felt the same way. I want to be in a relationship with someone who cares about me as much as I care about them and I want us both to be happy. The thing is, I've never done this before. 

I never had a boyfriend before,  not even the "boyfriends" some people get in kindergarten or preschool. I've never kissed a guy, never held hands with a guy. It's all new to me. The closest thing I've ever done is hug a guy, and I've hugged many more guys since then. This person that I may start things with has had experience. He's dated girls before and he knows what he's doing, me on the other hand has no idea what the freak I'm doing. Then again, there is a first time for everything!

Ive been close to dating somebody once, but I recently blew it maybe a month before school started. At the time, I didn't want to start a relationship because I was afraid that it just wouldn't work out. This person is taking completely different courses than I am, and we barely see each other anyways. I'm kind of glad that we didn't end up getting together. This person that I'm close with now is really nice, he's funny, I think he's cute, and he's someone I could see myself with. I still have to get to know him a bit more, but I think that even if it doesn't work out, we'll be like best friends. 

I'm still very afraid of relationships. I've never done this before. I actually get a little bit of anxiety thinking about it, and then the doubting thoughts come in and I just crumble to the floor in a big nervous pile of flesh. He knows I've never been in any kind of relationship so hopefully he understands. I think he will.We talk all the time and I know some things about him. He's allergic to peanuts and his mom is an orthodontist. It was interesting and he makes me laugh a lot.

I am both excited and scared to possible be in a relationship. I feel like this is like a growth point in my life. Like I've grown as a person being in a relationship. I don't really know, I'll find out when I get there I guess.

Well, thats all for today! Thank you so much for reading! Join my blog to be notified when I make a new post and I will see you later. Byeee!

XOXO Bella

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